​Grief is a universal emotion, often described as the price we pay for loving someone deeply. It touches everyone in unique ways, yet it remains a shared human experience that connects us all. Over time, various theories and analogies have emerged to help us understand and navigate the complexities of grief. One of my favorite analogies is “The Ball and the Box,” created by Lauren Herschel, which offers a simple yet powerful way to visualize and explain the nature of grief.

In this analogy, grief is likened to a box containing a ball and a pain button. When a loved one dies, the ball is enormous, filling almost the entire box. Its sheer size means it constantly presses against the pain button, causing near-constant emotional pain and distress. In the early days of grief, this overwhelming sensation dominates, leaving little room for relief or reprieve.

As time passes, the ball begins to shrink. It no longer constantly presses on the pain button, offering moments of respite and allowing life to regain some sense of normalcy. However, the ball does not disappear entirely. It continues to move around the box unpredictably. Even years after a loss, the ball can suddenly strike the pain button, triggering waves of overwhelming emotion that feel just as intense as they did at the beginning.

This analogy beautifully captures the unpredictable and enduring nature of grief. It explains why feelings of loss can resurface unexpectedly, even long after the initial event. The shrinking ball is a reminder that while grief may become less constant over time, it never fully vanishes. The intensity of the pain may subside, but the love and the memories we carry ensure that the ball always remains within the box.

By visualizing grief in this way, we can better understand that its ebbs and flows are a natural part of the healing process. It reminds us to show compassion to ourselves and others as we navigate the uncharted waters of loss and healing.

Written by Robin L. 

"Please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others" is a familiar phrase during the safety briefing on airplanes. This advice extends beyond air travel and is universally useful. Caring for an ailing or elderly loved one can be both rewarding and demanding. If you find yourself in the challenging position of the "sandwich generation," responsible for the care of both children and elderly parents, the stress can escalate. Add in the demands of working, childcare, and household management, it can quickly lead to a state known as caregiver fatigue or burnout.
Caregiver fatigue manifests as physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion resulting from the constant care of another person. Common symptoms include:
Difficulty sleeping
Unintended weight gain or loss
Withdrawal from friends and family
Loss of interest in personal hobbies
Increased reliance on drugs (including both prescription and non-prescription) or alcohol
Feelings of resentment or even thoughts of harming the person under your care

So, what can you do if you're experiencing caregiver fatigue?
The first step is acknowledging that you are struggling. Once you recognize this, take the time to identify the areas where you require assistance. This will let you tap into available local resources. Consider options such as home health care services to aid with day-to-day tasks, utilizing adult day care centers, or arranging for respite care. There are numerous resources ready to provide support. If you need assistance in discovering these resources, consult your healthcare provider or reach out to a local end-of-life doula for guidance.
Next, try to allocate at least an hour each day for self-care. This can be as simple as taking a leisurely walk or indulging in an episode of your favorite TV show. Engage in activities that bring you joy and allow you to temporarily shed the role of caregiver. Given that caregiving can be emotionally taxing, seeking the guidance of a therapist can be helpful. A therapist can help you navigate your feelings and equip you with additional coping mechanisms for your emotional well-being.
Additionally, remember to prioritize your physical health by ensuring you get adequate sleep, maintaining a balanced diet, engaging in regular exercise, and limiting the use of drugs and alcohol. If eating a healthy, nutritious diet proves challenging, consider meal prepping, a convenient solution. Numerous websites offer guidance on meal prepping, and services like Amazon Prime and Misfit Market can deliver groceries to your doorstep. For exercise, even a short 20-minute walk a few times a week can significantly benefit your well-being. It provides an opportunity to step outside, breathe fresh air, and can be enjoyed solo or with a friend for some much-needed social interaction.

​In summary, You can’t help others if you don't take care of yourself. While caregiving is important, safeguarding your own well-being is critical to provide the best care for your loved ones. Seek help and support when necessary, and remember, it's perfectly okay to prioritize your self-care.

Written By Robin L.